TITLE TK

I was with a bunch of 20-year-olds tonight who refused to believe I was 30, which made me very happy, which also tells me I am officially getting old.

Pathetic Dream #1

There used to be a time when I would wake up in the morning and lucidly remember my dreams. They were interesting dreams, where animals talked, people had super powers and new places were created from my imagination. Now, I’m just old and boring and so tired that whatever happens in my brain during the night isn’t very interesting, apparently. However, this morning I opened my eyes, pieced together my nocturnal narrations and, holy crap, it was a pathetic dream.

Some people have HOT STEAMY SEX dreams. Where they’re doing it with some god/godness-like human being and everyone is horny and getting off and blah blah blah. This has never happened to me. I feel ripped off. Instead, I dream about hanging out with Scott Wolf and Kevin Connolly in a mall.

We met up in some shopping center in LA. I am walking, and my conscious is actually saying: this is weird and lame. Anyway, the dream goes on and at one point Kevin Connolly decides he likes me and starts holding my hand, but then later admits that Scott Wolf told him that he likes me, too, and that I have to choose who I want to be with. What the crap?

THESE ARE TWO MEN I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IN MY LIFE. I don’t care about Scott Wolf*! I don’t watch “Entourage”! Why couldn’t I have Johnny Depp and Ryan Gosling fighting over me instead? Preferably naked and not in a mall.

(Also, they have a combined average height of about 5’6”. I accidentaly bumped into Kevin Connolly at a party once [he was actually very polite] and I mentally screamed: “Jesus. You are SHORT. How do you ever get laid?”)

Anyway, the point of me telling you about my pointless dream is I’m afraid this means I have become a boring person. Is there some correlation between your dreams and your real life? If so, does this mean I’m destined to marry a man whose height is below average?

*I take that back, I was a huge fan of “Party of Five,” but I always thought Charlie (Matthew Fox) was hotter.